Kizomba, as many other sensual dances, fosters a harmonious connection process between a man and a woman.
At the beginning of the song, instead of jumping directly into difficult movements or fast escalation steps, men are asked to do some tuning. This means, prepare the ground by providing comfort to both dancers.
Men task – how does tuning work?
- Basically it is about making slow steps on 2 counts.
- 1st basic step: Side to side 1 – 2 on the same place – here you just put your weight from one foot to other.
- 2nd basic step: create the “turning” clockwise – turn around by keeping the side to side 1-2.
- 3rd basic step: “Traveling” – forward forward tap / backward backward tap. The same can be done with cha cha instead of tap.
- 4th basic step: “Contra tiempo” or “virgula”, which is about turning anti-clockwise. Two variants: 1-2 cha cha, or long-long short-short.
Even though it is a basic move, it is very powerful on providing a first connection. An also it helps to determine if a harmony is possible among both partners.
Next time you start a song, do some tuning and prepare the ride.
Last week I went to my very first bachata class in Vienna. In that city there are tons of events, many of them as testing hours for potential fans.
However I was not that sure if that was the right thing. This is not the first time I have this negative feeling, sometimes I doubt if dancing shall be my hobby. And as in the past: I pushed myself and went over there. It was the right choice, and actually I experienced a switch in my brain within those 60 minutes:
- 0-10 min: we all dance in a big round in front of a mirror. I am still thinking, what am I doing here? this looks like a fitness exercise!
- 11-20 min: we start to learn basic steps. I feel more comfortable and look at the instructor’s complex steps. I am able to follow most of them.
- 21-30 min: now it is time for some funny steps. But I feel good, since I can follow most of them. The songs are also energetic, it feels refreshing.
- 31-45 min: exercises are now in pairs with rotations every 2-3 minutes. We shortly introduce ourselves with our names and immediately try out the steps. It was comfortable and fun to meet some new faces. With some of them there is chemistry, with others not that much.
- 46-60 min: we practice the last steps. It is fun, I start to improvise. But now the hour is over. Seriously?!
At the end some mingle with the people and finally felt relaxed for starting the weekend.
What happened then? basically I came out from my working environment full of logical thinking and jumped into the “real” world of chaos and senses. It was the right decision, and surely dancing can become a hobby for me, actually a theraphy.
Being in a party and meeting people for the first time is great, but also a bit of challenging. Almost everybody sticks to their social circles and in most cases people will not approach you. On the contrary, you will have to take the first step.
This is specially challenging in latin-afro parties, because you shall dance in couples. Therefore, it is not just about connecting with a woman you don’t know, but taking her to dance at first place. Most guys will go for the “asking for a dance” step. However, in some cases women will respond negatively stating that they are waiting for a friend, or resting for a while. I have experienced that by myself in the past and felt a bit down.
Do it differently
Instead of asking, stand up in front of her, offer your hand and show a slight smile. She will understand and come with you to the dance floor most of the times.
Why does this work differently?
- You are a man who takes what he wants without apologies. Come on, you are not stealing purses, you are offering a woman the chance to dance with and have fun.
- You are present in the moment (men and women dancing). There is no need for asking about anything else.
- Emotional strong: you are not concerned about the response of a female dancing partner. If she rejects your hand for dancing, then you simply offer it to somebody else who will value it. And by the way…
- You are value and you show value: a woman watching a man coming towards her with confidence and taking her to the dance floor is joyful.
- Enjoyment: you make the first move and therefore have the chance to choose with whom you dance. Isn’t it great? then do not bother and offer the hand.
All these factors are also understood by women through their intuition. Amazingly for men, sometimes speaking less and simply doing it is more fun than explaining things through dozens of words.
Try it out and enjoy leading by dancing.
A few months ago I took a Kizomba course for trying out something completely new. It ended up actually being a short class on masculine and feminine energy.
During the very first class the teachers told me some facts that reminded me about my role as a man:
- The man leads the dancing steps, he must recreate the sensual interaction pleasantly for him and the women he dances with.
- The woman must open herself and trust the man’s movements. She shall follow the steps and complement them with her feminine choreography.
- The man must take firmly and confidently the woman’s body, in order to let her know on which direction to dance. He shall not be ashamed on leading the interaction.
- The man shall be relax and enjoy the dancing steps, which will provide comfort to the woman as well.
- The dance increases the energy gradually. At the beginning there are simple steps for warming-up and building comfort. As the time passes, the man inserts the steps that add beauty and sensuality to the song.
- The songs are mostly about feelings, connection, senses and lovers’ stories. Topics about materialistic lifestyle and/or with negative energy are avoided.
At the beginning I was unsure to try this music. But fortunately I did, and it reminded me to take away the structured thoughts that work / studies place in our heads. And to embrace the beautiful chaos which leads to a natural interaction. Under my lead as a man with the feet on the earth and fun in my dance.